10 things I never thought I'd do (before I adopted a puppy)

Doggie mania crept up on me slowly, unexpectedly, during my first year in Toronto. Maybe it was loneliness. Or maybe it was the unavoidable presence of canines in the downtown area (they’re taking over!). Or maybe my mothering instincts had kicked into overdrive. Regardless, I found myself pining for a furball to cuddle and love.

My live-in boyfriend was surprised when I suddenly insisted we adopt a miniature pinscher. I mean, I've always liked dogs, but my deep-seated need for order doesn’t exactly mesh with the mess that a puppy brings. It didn't matter. I was completely in love with a little brown pup with huge ears and catfish whiskers.

Eight months later, he's changed my world. I’ve done things for him that would’ve seemed ludicrous to me only last year. Here are 10 things I thought I would never do, but that was BB (Before Bebop):

1. Throw a pet a birthday party

I’ve been thinking about Bebop’s first birthday. I’m gonna throw him a party. I just have to, as though it’s written in my DNA. Is this how first-time mothers feel? It will be like the Mad Hatter tea party in Alice in Wonderland, but with dogs. In preparation, I’ve snagged tips from other doggie mamas:

1. Create a guest list of friendly pets and their owners. Ensure a good personality mix. 2. Bake a sugar-free carrot cake and fill it with hot dogs, oatmeal—whatever! Dogs will eat anything. 3. Bake a separate cake for the humans. 4. Fill goody bags with dog treats and toys.

2. Dress an animal in clothes

I used to think that only vapid women with teacup yorkies and cotton candy for brains dressed their dogs in clothes—but oh, how wrong I was. My dog will not walk if he's cold. He plunks his butt on the ground and will not move or pee (until he gets inside and pees on my pillows). Maybe he’s a sissy, but he also has short hair and weighs 14 pounds. If I’m going to bundle up this winter, my dog is sure as hell going to wear a doggie coat.

(I may have also strapped booties to his feet and taken videos of him hobbling around. Shameful.)

3. Happily wake up in the middle of the night

The first few weeks that we had Bebop, he couldn’t hold his bladder more than three hours. Multiple times throughout the night, he’d bark from the cardboard box next to my bed and I’d lift him out and accompany him to his pee mat. The shocking part? I love to sleep and I don’t get out of bed for anyone, but every time I heard his call, I was wide-awake, ready for doggie-mama duty.

4. Forgive and forget destroyed shoes

Bebop has a taste for my shoes. Though I try to hide my footwear in the closet or on high shelves, he’s managed to gnaw through several shoelaces, toes and rubber flip-flops. He looks so guilty when I catch him, though, that I can’t be mad.

5. Pick up dog poop with pride

When someone leaves a dog’s steaming mess on the sidewalk, it stinks, it’s unsightly, and it will inevitably end up smeared on the bottom of a sneaker. The anger that this negligence causes me means that I will never fail to pick up Bebop’s poop. I carry a lime green roll of baggies in my pocket and when he takes a dump, I unroll a bag with a flourish, rip it off, and pick up the stinking pile. It’s a gross task, but doing it makes me a responsible pet owner, and I’m proud of that.

7. Allow a dog to sleep on (much less in) my bed

When we brought Bebop home, my boyfriend and I decided that we would not let him sleep on our bed. This suited me fine—the thought of dog hair on my white sheets gave me the willies! Yet, after a month of watching Bebop fall asleep—his soft head resting on his tiny paws—I had to cave. Now Bebop wriggles his way under my sheets every night. He gets mud and dog hair all over my pillow, and he often farts near my face and it’s unpleasant. Still, cuddling him in bed is the highlight of my day.

8. Cut social outings short to go home

I used to think I wanted the freedom to travel and the ability to stay out for twenty hours straight. Now when I leave my condo, I’m often counting down the minutes until I can head home. It’s not that I feel guilty leaving Bebop alone—although I sometimes do. Rather, I find that I want to be with him all the time. If he gets to be too much—say, he’s managed to open my closet and strew my pantyhose around the bedroom 12 times in the space of an afternoon—then a couple hours out are enough for me to recharge and I’m back wanting more.

9. Let dogs lick my hands and face

As a bit of a germaphobe, this one surprised me, but since I adopted Bebop, I allow dogs to lick my hands and face. I know, I know, they put garbage in their mouths and they groom themselves with their tongues. Nasty. Yet, by allowing them to lick me, I think I show trust and confidence and they can get to know me better. Plus, ultimately, it doesn’t gross me out anymore, even though I know the dirty facts.

10. Eat food that a dog has licked

Maybe I no longer count as a full-fledged germaphobe, because Bebop can sneak a slurp of my milk or lick my bowl of chips and I’m not fazed. On the other hand, if my boyfriend were to lick my food, I’d throw it back in his face.

Did you have a similar experience when you fell in love with a pet?