Women take heed: cosmetic surgeons want you to hate your "down there"

Generally, I don’t fall for the lure of conspiracy theorizing. For one, it necessitates a lot of creative thinking. But occasionally when I read an article like this one in The Atlantic, about the growth market for vaginal rejuvenation or “beautification” in the U.S., I have to admit I start to wonder if something really isn’t afoot when it comes to our culture’s relationship with womanhood.

First plastic surgeons came for our breasts, those unwieldy “fun” bags, with their defiant sagginess and infuriating softness. Then they tackled our wrinkly faces with their hideous laugh lines and “emotional” expressiveness. Now they’re hitting below the belt.

The Atlantic piece focuses on a recent gathering of ob/gyns in the US at the Fifth Annual Congress on Aesthetic Vaginal Surgery (I appreciate the “fifth annual” part because it means we can successfully determine the precise moment at which we’ve lost our minds).

The procedure, which appears to be most popular with rich women in Southern California—frankly not the most stable demographic to look to for health advice—is a form of mutilation masquerading as beautification. Essentially, during vaginal rejuvenation the labia minora are cut off giving the vagina a smoother appearance known as “the Barbie,” which quite appropriately refers to a doll made of plastic and minus real genitalia.

What’s more disturbing than the fact that some women have been duped into believing that clipping their vaginal wings is an elective procedure? How about the fact that some cosmetic ob/gyns are showing a real interest in expanding the market?

The reason for that professional enthusiasm is fairly primitive: doctors in the US make more money tearing off labia minora, nearly five times as much as when they simply provide prenatal care and delivery. The challenge to this growing group of cosmetic gynos is how to make women dislike their vaginas enough to cough up $5,000 to alter them.

According to the article’s writer, they don’t need that much help as the emergence of porn culture, wherein the female anatomy plays a starring role, and the popularity of Brazilian waxes are giving impetus to the rejuvenation delusion.

The article raises a lot of questions that women will have to answer for themselves. Here’s what it left me wondering: forget what we’re doing to our bodies, what’s the effect all of this self-loathing and culturally enforced vanity having on the female mind? Or will the female brain be the next thing we’d like to see manipulated into a more pleasing configuration? (May I suggest the shape of a Bundt cake?) And two, is the practice of elective neurosis-based plastic surgery just a fancy way of framing the unholy union of misogyny and malpractice?