Humour

How Many Of These Middle-Age Milestones Have You Hit?

Why should babies have all the fun? Keeping track of your mature-woman accomplishments has never been easier! Refer to this handy checklist whenever you’re wondering if you are, in fact, middle-aged

An illustration of a woman on a couch, talking on the phone

(Illustration: Leeandra Cianci)

1. You have found yourself thinking, at least once: “Hmm. Maybe I should go into real estate?”

2. You say things like, “I was hot for Idris Elba when he was on The Wire” and “Remember the Cowboy Junkies?”

3. Maximizing your Shoppers Optimum points is your love language.

4. You have a minimum of three to five divorced friends. Bonus points if 1) you are the divorced friend or 2) you seriously thought about getting divorced but decided to redecorate instead.

5. You stay up watching the “important” scenes in Bridgerton until 9:37 p.m. and then say, “God, it’s almost midnight—I’m going to be paying for this for a week!”

6. You’re very honoured when your friend asks you to pick him up after his colonoscopy.

7. You pulled a muscle by breathing.

8. You see an ad for a roomy plaid nightgown and think, “Now that’s what I’m talking about!”

9. You lust after Timothée Chalamet and you know it’s very, very wrong.

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