Living

I'm So Lonely That I Broke My Own Rules

Yesterday, I dropped Ben off at the airport as I cried hysterically, again. My efforts to compose myself were dashed. I was a complete and total mess. People stared. I didn’t care. I have to say that the hardest part of Ben leaving is the anticipation. The waiting is the most excruciating pain because I know the moment will come when he has to duck behind the security screening window and I will be left standing there, clutching my tissues, wanting to run in there with him. I literally felt that I couldn’t force myself to turn around and go back to the car. And then as I walked back into the house and listened to the painful silence, I knew it would be a long three months. But I had faith. We can do it. We will make it. This whole theory went out the window sometime around 2 AM this morning as I sat awake in bed, looking at the empty side to my left. Duncan came wandering upstairs, which is so unlike him, and pitifully tried to curl up and sleep on the pile of laundry I had waiting to wash on the floor. Maybe he was desperate to smell Ben too. I patted the bed, he walked over, and although I may have sustained a hernia, I lifted him into the centre of the duvet to cuddle with me. Please keep in mind that English Bull Terriers are at best, about 65 pounds of solid muscle so I dare you to try  to manoeuvre that around! But in the end, he was so grateful for this miraculous change in events that he just flopped down right where I had placed him and went right to sleep. Here’s the thing…I have a rule about having the dog on my bed. In fact, he’s very rarely in my bedroom, mostly because I’m sort of allergic to dogs and it’s difficult for me to have him around while I try to sniffle my way to sleep. But last night was a lost cause in the breathing department since I have head cold from HELL and wasn’t sleeping or breathing anyways. So to have the little ball of love sleeping and breathing next to me was the most comforting part of the day. I said goodbye to one Love last night. But another was reminding me he would hold down the fort until Ben was back. Thanks for looking after your Momma, Duncan. And for making sure I’m never completely alone. Kelly
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