Living

Doctor...I'm Counting Backwards Now...

Well, as it turns out, I received a call from the hospital saying I have been bumped from surgery on Friday to this THURSDAY! Tomorrow! Panic is ensuing! Don’t ask me why but I tend to feel this responsibility to be strong and brave before this surgery because after all, I’m a commissioned officer, right? Supposed to be willing to head face first into war and all that jazz. But here I am, terrified. Stressed. And worried about further losing the quality of life that my knee pain currently allows. And let me tell you, it doesn’t always feel like much. So I have lined up a string of friends to babysit me and hoping this all works out in the end. Want to know a funny secret, though? I have this uncontrollable fear of vomiting. Literally…it’s been diagnosed by a doctor. I would give 10 years off my life if someone could guarantee I’d never throw up again. So what’s even more bizarre is that I sort of think most of my fear going into this surgery centres around the possibility of vomiting after an anesthetic more than it does actually have the bone grinding and cutting. Ha. I’ve never been sick after anesthetic…but ah, the fear…it’s paralyzing! Oh man, I’ve exposed myself for what I really am…HUMAN! At the same time, I also feel this overwhelming feeling of hope. After six years of pain, (and several doctors insinuating I was faking it…seriously) I may finally walk Duncan without wincing the whole time. What an exciting feeling to have hope again. So bear with me as I go incommunicado over the next few days after surgery. I don’t want to be typing to readers while hopped up on pain meds. Heaven only knows what these fingers will lead me to type under the power of Percocet! Wish me luck, readers! Kelly
FILED UNDER: