Ladies, the holidays are closing in on us, and it can be a uniquely difficult time for singles. So, if you’re worried about being seated at the kids’ table, or about having yet another relative discreetly imply that there must be something wrong with you, you might continue your search for a nice dude even during eggnog-mustache season. Here, dating coach Lee Block — founder of The Post-Divorce Dating Club — explains how to make the holidays happier, and when it’s time to stop dating.
Q: Why are the holidays so difficult for newly single women?
A: When the holidays come around, everyone is busy planning as a family, and that includes all the prep work that goes into them. But, when you are newly single, it is painfully obvious that you are no longer that family unit. The joy of the holidays often becomes a burden because the other half you had, you don’t have to share it with. Also, because they are so family centered, often you will feel alone in a sea of people, which is very hard.
Q: Lots of women I know find it depressing to be single over the holidays, but are also kind of sick of meeting the wrong people. Do you have any suggestions for anyone with dating burnout?
A: If you have dating burnout, stop dating! You won’t meet anyone if you just aren’t in the mood. The thing is, is that you get back what you put out there, so if you are putting out there that you are going on another date and it is a total waste of time, then you are going to attract men that won’t give you what you want or need. There is nothing wrong with not dating, and instead of being alone, spend this time with friends and/or extended family!
Q: Any tips for how to make the whole dating process more joyful and fun instead of (sometimes) depressing and defeating?
A: The best way to make the dating process fun is to stop taking it so seriously! You don’t have to accept every date, and you don’t have to be looking to be in a relationship. If you go out to just have a good time, you will meet Mr. Right without looking for Mr. Right, and that is the best way to meet the man that is perfect for you.
Q: When it comes to dating, are there one or two things that women are commonly doing wrong?
A: Yes! Stop playing games. Don’t test the men that you are dating. They will not pass! And, instead of playing games and testing, just ask for what you want. We are all old enough to know what we want and be a strong woman and ask for it. If the man says no, well, he wasn’t right for you to begin with. The second thing is to stop looking for love. Men can sense when they are being looked at as the next Mr. to your Mrs. When you stop looking, that is when you will find it.
Q: Do you have any tips for newly single women on how to be happier over the holidays?
A: Count your blessings! The holidays are not about gifts or parties, but about what you have to be grateful for. Count your blessings and see what you have to be grateful for, and then think of those that have less. Volunteer your time to those that do have less, and create new and lasting traditions for you and your new life.