Why long-term couples still have sex together

Not only is it important that you have sex, but a new study shows that your frame of mind whilst doing it plays a huge part in your overall happiness.

A happy couple intimate in bed

How and why you have sex plays a big part in the happiness of your relationship (Photo iStock).

Why do you have sex with your partner? Can you answer that personal boundary-pushing question without blushing from your toes to the tips of your ears? Or without stammering out something about the sacred beauty of two bodies becoming one?

I know why I pursue intimate relations with my immortal beloved, but unfortunately ‘because it’s Saturday’ isn’t a reason cited in a recent investigation into what compels longtime lovers to make love again and again.

Two recent studies from the University of Toronto establish two primary motivations for why people in long-term relationships have sex. Those motivations were classified into the broad categories “approach” and “avoidance”, according to an article in the Wall Street Journal.

The approach motive includes positive aims, for example, the desire to increase intimacy with a partner, and/or to simply feel closer to a partner. The avoidance motive includes more negative aims, for example, an interest in avoiding conflict and/or to avoid feeling guilty for not having sex.

The reasons behind your boudoir activities aren’t insignificant. In fact, the study suggests that the mindset you have toward the sexual activity affects your enjoyment of the act itself.

Those couples that reported they had sex because they wanted to increase intimacy were more satisfied with their sex lives. Not surprisingly, those that had sex out of guilt or to avoid conflict reported less satisfaction.

It’s not just sex that feels better when it’s approached with a positive goal in mind — relationship satisfaction increased too.

But that doesn’t mean indulging in a little duty sex is a bad thing. The studies support the overall idea that sex is good for a relationship, period. People who have sex are generally happier than those who don’t. If you want to enjoy sex more and enjoy your relationship more, however, it may be wise to reduce the number of ‘fine, but make it quick’ exchanges and increase the number of ‘I love you, baby’ clinches.

Related: Should you force yourself to have sex with your partner?

2 comments on “Why long-term couples still have sex together

  1. Pingback: Does sex drive go down with age? Find the reason for libido change

  2. When I met my wife she was going on 19, I was an experienced 27 yr. old ex-marine who frequented many brothels in ports from the Orient to North Africa while serving in the Fleet Marines. I’m no mud duck but I was not in her league but she liked me and I was smitten by her. It took me 2 months before she gave up the “cooks” and that night she let everyone in my condo complex know what we were doing for she was very vocal in her passion. 2 days later she moved in with me and the first thing she did was to throw out all of my nasty books, every picture of a woman not a relative and every phone number with a girls name on it. But I made no objection cause she was the gal of my dreams a sexy, intelligent raven haired beauty with a behind worthy of worship and a libido to match. She confined in me that she had 3 boyfriends and all were the GQ types that were not good at sexual intercourse and she had never climaxed once let alone the multiple orgasms she got that first night with me. As it turned out we were perfectly sexual compatible, she hated to give head but would love me going down on her, I to this day have never reached a successive conclusion from a BJ or by “spanking frank” so a BJ was nothing I’d require and I love the taste of pus but I did have a fetish I hid from her. One afternoon she called me at work and told me that she was so horny her knees knocking for we hadn’t been able to play “stick it in ” for 3 days because she was staying at her granny helping her out. The “wolfman” was on my back as well and just the thought of her in one of her short slips a size too small accenting thighs, cleavage and all that “sugar” she sits on was telling me to go home. I told her I was taking off work early to come home and play. We went at it in our favorite position the missionary position and I’d taught her how to lay back and give me 100% of her while getting all 7″ of hard as oak swollen and throbbing mushroom head “joint”.
    The next day at work while on lunch I reached in the bag to get the PJ sandwich she made for my lunch and bought out her ruby red panties fragrantly scented with a slight scent of Ciara perfume mixed with her intimate female scent, I was delighted by her mistake but when I got home and asked her if she had smoked too much Columbian Red and drink too much chanti last night cause the napkin in my lunch bag were her panties., But she had set me up and I’d walked into an ambush.. She put one hand on her hip and in a matter of fact tone she said these exact words, “Donnie I know that you have been stealing my panties and since you are not the type who wears them you must be sniffing them and I knew what I was doing and did it because the way that you have been fdching me I don’t want you thinking of no other woman but me!” .
    That afternoon we were getting some she noticed me reach between the mattress with something in my hand that I keep putting to my nose while we were in synchronized motion. Later she checked between the mattress and discovered my secret treasure but instead of being grossed out by a guy stealing her worn panties to sniff like other girl friends had done in past years she saw it as a measure of the love I have for her and felt flattered. That was the day I knew she’d be my wife.
    Now after 20 yrs. of marriage and 3 kids that think we must be on drugs because we don’t act like their friends parents do. That is because we still go at it regularly for when she founded out that by acquiescing to my request to keep her twat scented with the sperm I deposit in her gave her made my joint hard and me eager. It is that good pussy smell that acts like a powerful aphrodisiac that gives me an unusual sexual prowess making her a feminine delicacy and my desire for pussy insatiable. She gives it up the way I like it and as a wife she knows when she puts panties to nose my joint raises to attention armed and ready for duty.
    When my daughters were little there’d be nights they’d run into your bedroom crying cause they thought that daddy was hurting mommy, so she had to tone her passion down. There are certain times in the month she’ll be in “heat” with her stuff hot and in need and with the kids being at home or having company she puts on a sun dress with no pants and will call me to her to sneak and get a quickie. The woman has a strong libido but as a former marine I’m always faithful and she is the reason I can always rise to the occasion. A wise wife knows how to keep her husband interested, shes an angel in the home as a mother and wife but a devil in the bedroom. She’s an RN with a law degree and takes care of business at work and when she comes home we have dinner and when we retire when she takes off her clothes on the way to the shower and tosses her panties in my face that means to be armed and ready cause mama is hot tonite!
    She has a sense of humor that sneaks up on me, as my gf I’d ask her, “What has a sweet smell of innocence mixed with a touch of naughtiness and delightful excitement?” and couldn’t crack the riddle but when I ask her today her reply is, “Me!!” One Sunday evening we were watching a courtroom program with a case about this guy fighting a multiple paternity law suit, in her most serious tone she told me that I was the only man able to beat such a law suit. I told her in no uncertain terms that DNA would get me as it will the guy being charged. Sitting in my lap she said, “Honey all you’d have to do is when you plead to the judge say Your Honor I plead guilty by reason of insanity cause I’m just crazy about the stuff!!” We had no idea that our oldest daughter was in the kitchen and when she heard this she yelled, ” MOM!” and ran outside laughing so hard she tripped and fell. My love of the stuff is because of her at 48 she is still a menace to men in motion when she walks down the street. She feeds me stuff that makes me horny and when I watch her undress I still get a bit excited and weak in the knees when I see her behind and if I did not believe in Jesus I’d be on my knees worshiping her ass. She is well aware of what she has back there and the attention I give it cause sometimes I can’t resist throwing her down on her belly and rubbing my face in her behind. My daughter is aware of the advances I get from one of he mom’s girl friends and she can’t stand the woman and told my wife how brazen the “bitch” is. My wife told her “child that woman doesn’t have enough ass on her to make a sick bird a bowl of soup and I know your dad as no interest in a woman with a flat ass!”
    We are a long term couple still enjoying sex and to me sex with my wife still gives me a feeling of liberation and bliss and have been faithful to her since the day she moved in with me. I still steal her panties to sniff when I’m away from home and this lets her know that even at 48 and after 3 kids she is still as fresh as the best. She gave me the best compliment a wife can give her husband after years marriage. Every birthday I have that night we go to bed we do some serious screwing and after one such hot and sexy night that morning making my breakfast she said, “Honey even in middle age you can still give pussy a black eye!” All I can say to that is that if God made anything better than pussy He must have kept it for Himself.


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