This year the holidays feel like they’re headed at me like a laserbeam. I’m totally knackered from the radiation and this fatigue makes the usual holiday bustle a little daunting. I’m also still feeling some chemotherapy side effects, including a hormonal tailspin that comes with abrupt cessation of ovarian function. This means that I’m prone to a lot more anxiety than usual – as if cancer, the holidays and this economy weren’t cause enough for a spike in anxiety.
This being week three of radiation, a light red sunburn has appeared on my skin in the area they blast -- which is most of my left side (underarm, upper back and chest.) I am literally “radiant.” I’m told I’ll be getting even more of a glow as this treatment goes on, which eliminates the option of wearing any strappy or low-cut little numbers to holiday parties this year. (I know there’s a joke in there somewhere about Rudolph the Red Boobed Reindeer but I’m just too pooped to think it through.)
It’s not a good combination, this fatigue and anxiety, but nobody ever said the holidays were easy – that myth went the way of believing a fat man in a red suit could shimmy down the chimney. Nobody ever said cancer was easy either, and I'm really feeling it these days. Maybe during chemo I was so focused on just surviving the poisons and their side effects that I was able to stay in the present, spending my energy in short-term bursts. Now it seems I am looking ahead to the rest of my year of treatment with dread and a general slumping of shoulders.
Anyway, pass the egg nog, send in the kids, and let's get some family and friends over here quick, before I get all Ebeneezered out and forget what this time of year is really supposed to be about.
Subscribe to our newsletters for our very best stories, recipes, style and shopping tips, horoscopes and special offers.