Waves, water, writing, and a whole lotta pain

My time out west was fantastic. But somehow, on the way home, it didn't quite end up being all that I thought it would be. What was once relaxing was suddenly a reminder that my life is about to change drastically and I'm not quite ready for it.

As expected, I had a great trip out to Tofino. I spent most of my time writing my novel, walking along the beach and reading from the stack of books that have been taking up real estate in the corner of my bedroom. I took photos of everything that amazed me. I talked to the man who owns the Mermaid Tales Bookshop, discussing the present, future and history of books. He didn’t even bat an eye when I spent an hour there, luxuriating in the smell of paper and bindings. I ate the most fantastic meal of my life at the Wickaninnish Inn and it was both beautiful and delicious. And just a word of advice, I beg you, if you ever get a chance to go, eat the clam chowder or you’ll spend the rest of your life wishing you had once you see it arrive on someone else’s table. And for the first time in a long time, I finally felt able to relax a little. I listened to the waves sloshing up against the rocks and thought to myself- yes, I can live out here. Despite the constant rain, I can make the Vancouver area my home.

But the return trip proved to be a little less than relaxing. In the last hour of the flight, my knee locked up and I couldn’t bend it (not fun when sitting in a tight space). Combined with a sudden hit of agonizing pain, it made for a rather unpleasant flight. The attendants were wonderful, bringing me ice and then, embarrassingly enough, wheeling me off the plane in a wheelchair. Not my proudest moment. And it made for an interesting drive home- and a painful one.

Then as soon as I came in the house, I was reminded of all the things I knew I had to do in the next few months. Sell the house. De-clutter it first. Fix the trim in the basement (I’ve been meaning to do that for months). Patch nail holes in the walls. Schoolwork. Take out the garbage. Move. You know, life. I had to do typical life stuff. For some reason, I feel powerless to do any of it right now. So I started to worry. And I’m still worrying.

So I’m sitting here, nursing my sore knee, and watching my “To Do” list get longer and longer. I don’t know how I’m going to do it all. I don’t know where to begin.

But when I think of my trip to the Mermaid Tales Bookshop and the passion and excitement I felt in just the discussion of books, I know that I’m headed in the right career direction. I’ll find my way. But right now, I just feel a little bit lost.


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