Living

War is war...away and at home

Arguments and disagreements in a relationship are hard no matter what. But try having them over a webcam with your partner in Afghanistan. I assure you, it's ten times harder. Sometimes, Ben and I need to remind ourselves why it is that we just can't agree.

Last night, it felt like there wasn’t much that Ben and I could agree on. And this isn’t typical of us but it’s natural that after being apart as long as we’ve been apart (for more recent readers, we’ve had about 6-8 weeks together in the last year and nine months), disagreements will ensue. And although our webcam time is usually reserved for happy chit chats and updates about our lives, as time inches towards Ben’s return from Afghanistan, our nerves and patience has sort of reached the end of our proverbial ropes.

So Ben and I sat online last night and bickered…about stupid things. Christmas plans. The house. Our futures. Not like us in the slightest.

And I can’t explain how hard it is to argue in a virtual atmosphere! The hardest thing for us right now is being in the dark about our futures. After spending so long apart, we know we likely only have a few months together before Ben is posted and either I will be posted too or I’ll be trying to make my way into a civilian job (who knows where!). So either way, we know that the reality of our lives will mean that after a short 5 months or so, we will be separated again. It’s hard not to bicker with those kinds of stats staring us in the face.

And what’s difficult too is that fighting from across the world like this feels so ridiculous. When I look at it realistically, there is a war going on! And here I am, getting upset about things that are so small. But when you’re apart as long as Ben and I have been, you almost have to focus on the small minutia of life…mowing the lawn, cleaning, doing laundry…because it makes the distance between us seem not quite as unbearable. It reminds us that we had a life together somewhere along the line and that we will have it again. In a way, arguing about the small things reminds us that we’re a couple. Another half of someone. He will come home.

So no, Ben and I are not immune to fights, even though he is in Afghanistan. Soon we’ll be putting our life back together. A life that will finally be together. Even if it’s only for a very short period of time.

Ben, come home. Safe and soon.

Kelly

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