Humour

I’ve Finally Found A Supportive Partner In Bed

On finding the right body pillow.

An illustration of a woman sleeping on a man-shaped body pillow

(Illustration: Leeandra Cianci)

We met online, and I wasn’t in a great place at the time. Sleep was elusive, thanks to a heap of problems no life hack could solve and a painful lower-back injury from an intense self-care ex (in dark moments, I still miss you, CrossFit). My nights were long and lonely, and I longed for comfort. Desperate, I let my mom set me up with a weighted blanket.

As soon as I pulled it out of the box, I knew we wouldn’t work. The blanket was too heavy; I felt smothered under it. Was I really supposed to just lie under this big lunk and enjoy it? Been there, done that. I kicked the blanket off and sent it to a friend who was into the missionary position.

But the one-night stand was clarifying. I realized I didn’t want to be dominated in bed; I wanted support.I wanted a bedmate that knew its way around a woman’s body and was game to try different positions when things got boring. Was I being too picky?

During a late-night prowl on a certain e-commerce site, my head got turned by the sight of a body pillow.

Hello, sailor.

It was slim and tall, and, like a pint-sized leading man, didn’t overwhelm my queen-size bed. I scanned the description: Supportive. Soft. Keeps its shape. Durable, with comfort guaranteed to last all night.

Add to cart. Forty-eight hours later, it was at my door.

I took things slow with my body pillow. The first night, I used it to support my head and neck while I watched TV in bed. It was similar to an embrace, but softer—my pillow has no bones or muscles or weird smells.

A few nights later, I slid it between my knees while I lay on my side. My lower-back pain, which usually struck whenever I shifted my weight, dialled down to a light hum. Make that humana humana.

Our rapport grew more serious over time. I recently found myself rhapsodizing about my body pillow at work and realized I wanted nothing more than to slide into bed and wrap my arms around it for the rest of my life. Or until someone invented a better body pillow.

Six months later, my body pillow and I are as entwined as a koala and a eucalyptus tree, seven evenings a week—sometimes twice on Sunday.

I finally found the most supportive sleep partner I’ve ever had—and yes, it lasts all night.

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