Social quandary: My friend's house is too dirty to visit

What would you do in this situation? Help this reader by giving your two cents.


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Have you found yourself in an awkward situation? Has someone irked you and you’re not sure how best to proceed? If so, you’re not alone. Every week, we’ll be featuring a reader-submitted quandary so that you can help weigh in and give your input. What would you do in their situation? If you’d like to submit your own quandary, click here.

Quandary of the week:

My friend and I have been friends for a very long time. Growing up in the tropics, we both had housekeepers to keep our houses clean and tidy. My friend got accustomed to that lifestyle and even though it’s been 25 years since emigrating, she’s still reluctant to clean her own house! I know it may sound a bit judgmental, but it’s so dirty it makes it difficult for me to want to visit her. Even her brother feels the same way; he and his wife were visiting and planned to stay at her house for two weeks, but they took one look at the mess and went to a hotel instead. I’ve suggested they get a cleaning lady — someone to help out even if it’s just once a month. But her husband is frugal, and they don’t mind the mess they live in.  These last several years, I started to decline her invitations to visit. Recently, she started reaching out again to invite me over. I don’t want to continue refusing her invites, but I’m not sure what to do. I honestly cringe every time I step into her house. So now she’s throwing a party for her youngest son and has invited me over. Should I just suck it up and go, even though I’ll be uncomfortable the whole time? Is there a way of politely telling someone that their house is just too dirty?

Please comment below and help this reader with your feedback

Read our previous social quandaries here.