By Dr. Catherine Gildiner
First published in Chatelaine's March 2003 issue.
© Dr. Catherine Gildiner
| It sounds great. You get your sexual needs met but you don't have to cook, deal with a mother-in-law or sit idly by while your guy watches TSN. This sounds too good to be true. But before you rush out to buy the black lace underwear, let's talk. The female mind is a complex set of hormonal and emotional responses, most of which are opposed to casual sex. Maybe you can tune out your screeching hormones and ignore the feelings of warmth and tenderness you feel in a good sexual union. Maybe you can outsmart your progesterone and tell your brain; "This is not love or attachment. It just feels like it." But I doubt it. Hear me out! Freud said "Anatomy is destiny" and nowhere is it more evident than in this case. Like it or not, for women sex is about attachment, about getting that precious egg to adulthood. Men can spread their seeds and move on, but not you. Women are born with all the eggs they will ever possess. A man produces millions of new sperm every day. So, eggs are a precious commodity and your instincts are trying to convince you of that fact, telling you that it's in your biological interest to bond with that male. Attachment and intimacy are not part of his job description. It is only after the sexual act is complete that the woman's job really starts. Bonding happens for a good reason. What sex means Dr. Catherine Gildiner is a clinical psychologist in private practice. Too Close to the Falls (ECW) is her memoir. |
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