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Royal wedding soundtrack: Music from Sir Elton John, perhaps?

With the recent backlash against Nelly Furtado and Beyoncé for accepting millions from Gaddafi, you’d think there would be a long line-up of entertainment mercenaries angling to belt it out at the royal wedding — if only to try and polish their tarnished reputations. According to my sources at the Palace, however, disgraced pop divas need not apply.

Getty Images / Annabel Staff

With the recent backlash against Nelly Furtado and Beyoncé for accepting millions from Gaddafi, you’d think there would be a long line-up of entertainment mercenaries angling to belt it out at the royal wedding — if only to try and polish their tarnished reputations. According to my sources at the Palace, however, disgraced pop divas need not apply.

So, who will perform at the royal nuptials? Can we expect a choir of Balkan angels singing the beautiful (but, horribly overplayed) “Ave Maria”? An army of bag-pipers pumping out a classical mosh that sounds like something off the new Radiohead album? How about royal wedding guest Sir Elton John reworking the lyrics of “Candle in the Wind” yet again, this time into a happy, joyous ballad of love and commitment—without a hint of the two tragic dead blonds in whose honour it was previously sung?

At Charles and Diana’s wedding, Kiri Te Kanawa lit up St. Paul’s with a stunning rendition of Handel’s “Let the Bright Seraphim”. Perhaps, Ms. Te Kanawa and Leona Lewis could do a remixed duet?

There was actually a real rumor this week (not like the ones above that I’m trying to start) that Sir Peter Maxwell Davies, Master of the Queen’s Music, would write the royal wedding soundtrack.

Now in his late 70s, Davies was a bit of an enfant terrible in the 1960s, often shocking audiences with his audacious compositions. He has since settled down to a more conservative style (that’s, apparently, how you get the “Sir” thing slapped onto the front of your name) but let’s hope, if he is called upon for the wedding, he dusts off his subversive 1969 piece “Eight Songs for a Mad King”.

I wonder if they can slap off the “Sir” thing for that type of behaviour?