Humour

Hot, New Environmentally Friendly Products From The Eco Chamber

Writer Sophie Kohn envisions products—bicycles made from dehydrated vegetables anyone?—that might just save the world.

Are you ready to ascend to a higher plane of eco-consciousness? These latest products from the forefront of green technology are guaranteed to revolutionize your day-to-day living and make you the envy of every neighbour dragging their lowly blue bin to the curb (ugh, how ’80s).

PLANT-BASED TANDEM BIKE

Price: $6,000
Made from dehydrated vegetable matter that’s been thoughtfully sculpted into a sort of vaguely bike-like situation, this astonishing breakthrough in green transportation is 100 percent ecological. If you ride it in any kind of rain, wind or heat, the bike will instantaneously decompose into a heap of mulch. What a perfect place to plant a sapling that will grow into a new bike!

SOLAR PANEL PANTS

Price: $200
Your $20 jeans might feel like a steal, but cheap clothing is often unethically made and designed to fall apart, creating an endless cycle of waste. Take a brighter stance with solar panel pants. Best of all? This is the last pair of pants you’ll ever need to buy—once they’re assembled, you’ll never be able to take them off.

BIODEGRADABLE BIODEGRADABLES BIN

Price: $75
While progressive in some ways, the standard kitchen organics bin is still often made of plastic. For this daring upgrade, designers toyed with various materials—felt, hemp, luscious satin—before hitting on the perfect material: tightly compressed compost. Thanks to the bin’s very distinct smell, families are spending more quality time together outside the kitchen. Astonishing how many miracles can come from one small change, isn’t it?

GLASS SHOPPING BAGS

Price: $650
While canvas is an improvement over plastic, we still frequently need to replace lost bags or forget to bring them to the store. But once you’ve splurged on an artisanal hand-blown glass tote, you won’t ever forget that thing anywhere.

CLOTH CREDIT CARD BILLS

Price: $25 per month
Say goodbye to the stacks of paper endlessly piling up on every conceivable surface of your home, and make the conscientious choice to sign up for cloth credit card bills. Each month, you’ll receive your statement in the mail, printed in washable plant-based ink on a quarter-yard of organic cotton. Once you’ve paid it off, simply hand-wash the bill—ideally in a basin of collected rainwater—and mail it back to your bank so they can reuse it next month.

SHOWERSTALLED™

Price: $325
We could all stand to be more mindful about our water consumption, and thankfully, ShowerStalled™ is here to help. This metal shower attachment clips easily onto your faucet, blocking most of the shower head and releasing a single drop of water every 10 seconds. Now you can use the 45 minutes it takes to rinse out your conditioner as a morning meditation ritual! Blessings are hiding everywhere if you know where to look.