I'll cry if I want to

The other night, I had a major sob fest…in front of my boyfriend. This was the first time in our 7-month plus relationship that I bawled uncontrollably in front of him.


The other night, I had a major sob fest…in front of my boyfriend. This was the first time in our 7-month plus relationship that I bawled uncontrollably in front of him.

I would have been mortified if I wasn’t busy bawling uncontrollably over a fight I had with a friend. In any case, I am a bit of a crier, something maybe I should have told him at the beginning of our relationship. You know, “I’m scared of snakes, I hate camping, and I cry sometimes.”

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t cry every day. But I do get teary (and, yes, sometimes cry) when I see my daughter perform, or when she makes me something meant just for me, or when I see her report card.

I cry during sad parts in movies and when the “girl gets the guy” at the end. I cry at sweet Hallmark cards.

But I’m not an every-day bawler, that’s for sure. First of all, I don’t look good when I bawl, and I’m still in the stage of my relationship that I rather my boyfriend not see the snot coming from my nose and my blotchy red face. Second, I was in such a state I stated to worry that he’d be like, “Oh my god. She’s insane!”

I tried to pull it together, but, really, who am I kidding? It was too late. The tears were coming out on their own.

But I talked it through with him (while bawling) and at one point said, let’s just watch a sitcom for 30 minutes so I can collect my thoughts (and stop sobbing. Which I did. Yay!).

I wonder if there is any good way to let your emotions out entirely without scaring away the man you’re in love with. I’m pretty sure if we stay together, there are going to be other “episodes” of me bawling uncontrollably. So how should/can a man deal with a woman crying in front of them?

A guy’s take
I interviewed Jordan Greenspoon, president and founder of The Multisoft Group, a technology company that focuses on registration for the service and travel industry. He is also an expert when it comes to women who cry. (I know this, because he is my boyfriend, and he handled my meltdown with aplomb. Bravo boyfriend!)

Here are some tips for you women to pass onto your men, so they know how to handle us when we just have one of those days and need to bawl our eyes out to our hearts content.

1. Greenspoon states simply, “There are not a lot of choices. You either leave them alone or you can stay and console and comfort them. I suggest you console and comfort them.”

2. When asked if men get upset when they see women cry, he answers. “Well, when I see you cry, I feel upset because I know you’re upset and I really do want to hug and comfort you.” (Sweet, right?) “I think most men feel that way about someone they care about if they’re crying.”

3. He adds that a guy generally doesn’t “dread” a girl who cries, unless they cry about everything all the time. “Then a guy is going to be like, ‘Here we go again.’ But if it’s just once in a while, of course we want to make sure you’re okay.”

4. A simple gesture goes a long way. “At the very least a guy should be able to just hand over a box of Kleenex.” (Which he did, which I thought was thoughtful.)

5. A lot of it depends on the personality of the girl. “Some women just want to be left alone when they cry. Others want to be comforted.” He suggests men ask, when they see their women crying for the first time (or any time), if they want to be “left alone for a while” or if they want to “talk about it.”

5. If you call your man at the office crying, hopefully he can come to the phone. “A good guy will take the time and see what the problem is and talk the women through it.” If they are busy, the guy should at least say, “We’ll talk about it as soon as we get home.”

6. Women who are criers need not be ashamed! According to Greenspoon, he’s only been with one woman who had never cried in front of him and they were together a l-o-n-g time. “That was definitely weird.” So wear your heart on your sleeve when you need to. It’s okay! The only thing weirder than a woman who doesn’t sometimes cry, is a woman who never cries.

7. Three Greenspoon tips: Hug them, reassure them things will work out, and everything will be okay.

I’m still slightly mortified about my sobbing meltdown. But it was bound to happen at some point. Even nicer than knowing that he now knows that I will sometimes sob uncontrollably is the fact that he handled it brilliantly. He was so sweet about it. It almost makes me want to cry.

Follow me @rebeccaeckler and How to Raise a Boyfriend

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