Moral dilemmas are EXTREMELY hard for me to deal with. Especially when they are moral dilemmas that forces me to make a decision.
I am BAD at making decisions. Deciding if I want milk or cream in my coffee takes me, no joke, at least five minutes. Deciding what I want for dinner can take an hour. You don’t want to be with me at a bookstore. I will be there for an hour before I choose what I want to buy.
These are small decisions AND they take me forever. So IMAGINE my DISTRESS when I found myself faced with A BIG MORAL DILEMMA forcing me to make a decision.
I have the most wonderful manicurist. She is great at bikini and eyebrow waxes, and has also become a friend. Then she had a baby, which I’m thrilled about. But since she works out of her house (with no help) suddenly what used to be a twenty minute manicure turned into hour-long manicure because the baby needs to be fed or cuddled during my appointments.
For me, getting a manicure or bikini wax is not fun. They are chores I have to fit into my already over-booked schedule. While I love her, I can’t take two hours out of my day for an appointment that should take half an hour. (Don’t get me wrong. I still love her and her baby!)
Then something GREAT happened. I found a manicurist/waxer who lives five minutes from my house! She’s not as fun or nice as my other woman, but she’s quick and gets that I want to be in and out within 30 minutes. AND SHE LIVES SO CLOSE!
She knew that I was a writer – she’s read my articles. But she made the GRAVE mistake last week of asking me what I was working on. I don’t generally like to talk about what I’m working on, but I told her about the book I have started to write.
The book is, how shall I say, quite political. Meaning, if you have strong religious beliefs, or are really far right wing, you will not like this book. Immediately after I mentioned the basic plot, she ranted about how wrong my subject matter was. I argued that I’m NOT making any judgments. My fictional characters are.
It turns out this beautician is very religious (which is fine), but because of her religion, I learned she has VERY strong opinions about certain things, like homosexuality. I found myself furiously arguing with her about women who live with alcoholics and are beaten by their husbands. “You have to pray for them,” she said. I couldn’t believe it! I couldn’t believe her stance was that you have to pray for a husband that is an alcoholic and beats his wife and that the wife should just put up with it! I couldn’t believe the word she used when it came to gay men and women.
We argued about this while she painted my nails. “We are just talking,” she said. “You are entitled to your opinion and I’m entitled to mine.” Sure, I thought, it’s a free world. And maybe her religious views are colouring her judgment too, I thought.
The problem is that while I totally disagree, and was disgusted by her point of view, she is so convenient and so CLOSE TO MY HOUSE.
I left torn. Do I continue to see her, pay her, thereby supporting her, even though I can’t stand her views and will NEVER come around to seeing her side of things? This is a decision I’ve now been thinking about for days.
I asked good friends about this, since my friends know I can’t make decisions, they often make them for me. Here’s their best advice:
1. One told me that I don’t have to agree with her, but because she is convenient I should continue to see her, but not talk about anything other than the weather.
2. Another told me I shouldn’t see her, and that it’s a SIGN to go back to my old manicurist/waxer. (She may have a point.)
3. Another friend wondered how good she was at her job and mentioned that she’s worked with a lot of misogynistic pigs, and that’s life. If they do a good job, then it should be left at that, she thinks.
4. My fourth best friend said only I can make that decision and either way she’ll support me (Thanks!)
Thank god, I won’t need to make a decision for another few weeks. But I can tell you that I’ve almost made a decision. What would you do in this situation?