Lisa: I like the idea of eating fish, because I know it’s healthy for me. But if it weren’t for you, I’d never ever eat it. Sometimes it really tastes gross, but I swallow it down anyhow. See how much I compromise for you?
Dave: Much appreciated. I always thought you ate the fish only to avoid wasting it. I know how much you hate wasting food. When I do the groceries without you, I load up on all my favourite things – fish, smoked meats, stinky cheeses – knowing that you’re too stingy to protest.
Dave: Good ol’ “fringers.” I consider this the white flag of couples’ cuisine. It eliminates such eternal quandaries as “Whose turn is it to cook?” and “Is the rule ‘I do the cooking, you do the dishes’ or ‘The person who makes the mess cleans it?'” Nothing like a meal from the freezer to settle any arguments.
Lisa: It’s always my turn to cook when it’s something that can just be popped out of the freezer and into the oven. That’s my specialty. I’ll gladly leave the meals that require exotic spices (the ones that aren’t salt and pepper) to you. Though I have tried to be a bit more creative.
Lisa: I wish you’d told me you hated broccoli before I spent forever boiling it into soup.
Dave: I don’t hate broccoli. I just don’t particularly like it as the centrepiece of a meal. We’re one of those odd couples where the guy likes to do the cooking. And while I wholeheartedly support your new risky kitchen persona, broccoli just isn’t as versatile (or crowd-pleasing) an ingredient as, say, bacon. What I’m saying is, more bacon please. And also, I don’t think broccoli soup should actually be Kermit green.
Lisa: Remember how I used to be a vegetarian before we met? Sometimes, I put more salad on your plate than even I’d eat in one go. Take that!
Dave: You keep threatening to go veg on me. And while I secretly fear the day you actually drop your steak knife for good, I don’t think you could do it. You love bacon way too much for that now. I’m also of the belief that carnivores cannot live peacefully with omnivores. Sooner or later they’re going to eat something the other one loves.
Lisa: Yikes. I’m keeping the dog away from the kitchen from now on. And yes, I admit, I love bacon too much (I generally eat it, in some form, every other day). But I can’t believe you don’t like vegetables.
Dave: Remember the time you dared me to eat 10 servings of vegetables a day for a week? (I assumed you pulled that number from Canada’s Food Guide.) I was literally eating peppers like peaches in order to win the bet. Meanwhile, my digestive system was desperately trying to escape from my body. That’s when I realized you take great pleasure from such small tortures. P.S. I love you when you eat meat.
Dave: Best night of the week.
Lisa: Agreed. Means the only decision is which of the five usual places are we going to order from – that and who’s going to do the calling.
Dave: I’m pretty sure it’s your turn.
Lisa: My vote is for something with bacon on it.