Culture

What Your Starbucks Order Says About You

Did someone just order a side of deeper meaning with their non-fat vanilla soy latte?

Is your Starbuck order an iced latte? Here's what that says about you.

Photo, @starbucks/Instagram.

You can tell a lot about a person by the books they read, the people they hang out with … and the order they place every morning at Starbucks. But what exactly does your go-to java jolt say about you? To mark Pumpkin Spice season, we present this handy and highly scientific guide. 

The cozy classic Pumpkin Spice Latte
You are a creature of habit, happiest with the people and places you have known all your life. Your version of success isn’t about a corner office, but being comfortable enough to enjoy the things you love — things like family holidays, book club and binging on Friends even though you’ve seen every episode multiple times.

An extravagant venti cappuccino, extra dry
You’re not the kind of person who watches what they spend. So what if that giant, mostly foam beverage you just ordered is 80 percent air? You love to travel, speak several languages and have a weakness for footwear that costs more than your monthly mortgage payment.

A no-nonsense coffee, black
Well hello there, undercover narcissist. What, you assumed your back-to-basics Pike Place roast would read as authenticity and relaxed swagger? Oh, please. Since nobody actually prefers drinking their coffee in this fashion, the only other possibility is that you like what “just black” says about you. It’s the same reason you prefer movies with subtitles, buy your (artisanal) groceries at the local farmers’ market and have yet to inform another living being about your secret Keeping Up with the Kardashians obsession.

Is your Starbucks order an iced coffee? Here's what that says about you.

Photo, @starbuckscanada/Instagram.

A bespoke triple-shot, non-fat vanilla soy latte, extra hot
You’re a natural born leader with confidence to spare, so much so that you have no qualms about ordering a beverage that’s going to make everyone in your vicinity roll their eyes. You have no trouble being decisive, which means friends often come to you for advice … even if they don’t always take it. (Because, really, do you have to be so harsh all the time? It’s called a grey area.)

A super-chic Chile Mocha
You’re a free spirit, always up for an impromptu boozy brunch or a last-minute jaunt to the cottage. Life’s a beach, but you’d enjoy it more if you weren’t so busy trying to impress other people. Spend less time worrying about what’s “right” (the right bag, the right parties, etc.) and figure out what you’re really into. And for god’s sake put down the smartphone every few minutes. All the Instagram likes in the world won’t mean anything if you can’t figure out how to like yourself. #lifegoalz

A sweet but sensible iced skinny hazelnut latte, half caff
You are hyper organized — the sort of person who schedules her day in half-hour intervals. You go out of your way to achieve work-life balance, eat a healthy diet (with room for the odd indulgence) and sleep exactly seven hours every night — no alarm clock necessary. Life is pretty much exactly as you planned — you have an actual white picket fence, for heaven’s sake — which explains those recent feelings of restlessness. Time to show your inner wild child a little love.

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