Hey, Chantal: I’m Sick Of Dating. Should I Settle For A 6 Outta 10 Relationship?

Canadian singer Chantal Kreviazuk dishes out some tough love and answers your most important life questions in her advice column for Chatelaine.

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should i settle chantal kreviazuk adviceI’m in a relationship right now that’s like, a 6 out of 10. Sometimes I think we should break up but honestly, after years of dating, maybe this is as good as I should expect it to get. I’m 40ish — maybe I’m just past the fireworks stage. Is that so bad?

This is a tough one. But I cannot lie — I am left feeling a little hopeless hearing that you’re in a 6/10 situation.

I’m not sure a “6/10 relationship” can challenge you in your process of development as a human being. All of our lives carry incredible potential for experience, and it sounds like you’ve given this plenty of time to try to move the needle. Is 6/10 really all that you want out of life?

That said, loneliness is incredibly taxing, and can ultimately affect our health. So I understand why the idea of just pure companionship is appealing, especially if you’re tired of dating.

Is Fear Of Breaking Up (FOBU) Keeping You In The Wrong Relationship?Is Fear Of Breaking Up (FOBU) Keeping You In The Wrong Relationship?

The first thing I think you have to ask yourself is, why is it a “six”? Are you feeling lonely within the relationship? Are you not challenged intellectually? Is there not enough chemistry?

This kind of reflection is critical — if the last two statements are true, for instance, and it’s resulting in feeling lonely anyways, then why stick around for companionship?

Personally I would rather be alone and “self-regulate” — master the art of making myself whole and happy — then bide my time with someone I don’t want to move mountains for. It just seems like a waste of time and energy to me.

I would never want you to feel abandoned and alone but I have always heard that you have to make space for the right partner, and sometimes that means getting rid of the wrong one. It’s just math!

It might be scary but I think it’s quite true. My feeling is: Take the risk. Pursue passion. Leave this person behind and find someone who can fuel your most exhilarating heartbeat!

Chantal Kreviazuk is an award-winning singer songwriter. She is married to Our Lady Peace frontman Raine Maida. They have three kids. 

Got a question for Chantal? E-mail us at letters@chatelaine.rogers.com