Hey, Chantal: My Boyfriend’s Great. Living In Different Cities Is Not. Should I End It?

Canadian singer Chantal Kreviazuk dishes out some tough love and answers your most important life questions in her advice column for Chatelaine.

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chantal kreviazuk advice

I started a long-distance relationship with a guy about a year ago. He’s a friend of a friend who was in town for a week and we met at a dinner party, hit it off, and decided to give it a shot. We take turns travelling to see each other (we’re about five hours away by car) and I’m really into him, but really not into the long-distance anymore. It’s exhausting and expensive. We used to sext, now we just text. We both have good jobs we’re reluctant to give up. We both like living where we live. I feel like I’ll regret breaking up but I’m just not a “take a massive risk” kind of gal, and neither is he (I think). Where do I go from here?

Sounds like you’re at an impasse.

This may be a quick and simple answer and not necessarily the answer you want to hear, but if he meant SO SO much to you I think you would do almost anything to keep it together.

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It’s okay to let it go if he is too far away and your passion is dying. You have separate lives. Maybe he even feels the same way. When my husband and I were first together it was very long distance based. We spoke on the phone a ton. It was romantic and sexy and so much fun! We saw the distance as a way to connect on a deeper level, a way to really get to know each other. It worked for us and we got lucky with our timing I suppose… maybe it was meant to be.

I think it’s great that you are being introspective and calling yourself out for not being a risk taker. If you truly would like to “expand” in your essence and be more brave in your life, it is noble of you to acknowledge this and dig in! But I am not sure that moving closer to a man you’re not 100% sure you’re invested in is the way to put your more courageous ways into practice.

We have to push ourselves within the self-realization process in a way that is authentic to who we are. If you’re not really feeling it with this dude, I wouldn’t force it. Doing so could actually set you back in your personal goals and callings in your life. Let him go, and work on you for a beat. Then perhaps a partner who is a true fit will come into the picture.

Chantal Kreviazuk is an award-winning singer songwriter. She is married to Our Lady Peace frontman Raine Maida. They have three kids. 

Got a question for Chantal? E-mail us at letters@chatelaine.rogers.com