The person I’m dating makes double the money I make – but never offers to pay my way when we go out. We always go halvsies. I’m all for equality but am I wrong to feel like, just once, offer to pay my way?
Oh I am pretty clear on this. The person you’re dating should be more generous. Sharing indicates trust, interest – that what you’re getting into here will see another day.
I understand their desire to be frugal — but I am always of the mind that we must seize the day and have fun, and not get too caught up in money.Tell Me, Chantal: I’m Dead Bored In My Marriage. What Should I Do?
Now, while that goes for him, it goes for you too. If you really like each other, if you are really into this person, you have an opportunity here within the hurt and confusion you are feeling. This is coming up for you for a reason … so spend some time thinking about why. Certainly there is potential here for a wonderful conversation between the two of you — and you could maybe connect and figure out where you are going in the relationship as a result!
Perhaps there is a reason they’re not comfortable with anything but even-steven splits when you go out. Perhaps something happened in their past that’s made them see paying someone else’s way as either wrong, or “next level” in a relationship – and want to have clarity on their feelings for you, or yours for them, before they go there. Perhaps they have a fear of sharing with a partner.
These are things that you can explore in a respectful conversation. Inquire about your date’s past wounds. Maybe they have felt used in the past. There is great room for transparency and growth together through exploring this issue. In the end, our most difficult conversations can present our biggest moments of growth! Good luck!
Chantal Kreviazuk is an award-winning singer songwriter. She is married to Our Lady Peace frontman Raine Maida. They have three kids.
Got a question for Chantal? E-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org