This week Mark and I had a health scare with Sydney. She is okay and she will be fine. Nothing that cannot be managed and it’s nothing that is affecting her daily activities. But, when we were in the throes of the crisis…I just cannot describe the fear that I felt. Everything else fell aside. Nothing else really mattered. If any harm should come to my child, my only child, what would I do?
I know that I have a lot to deal with. Some of the less serious issues are the financial ones with respect to my house. We have so much damage from the initial construction that the cost to repair the house is beyond comprehension. This is stressful, less because of the finances and more because I continue to live with mold in my house.
This brings me to the next level of stress — that of my health. Obviously, this is a much bigger issue for me. The implications of my health issues for me and my family are huge, and this is a big burden that I bear every day. But, the stress of a sick child — that is almost too much to bear.
I know there are many people out there who deal with health issues in their children every day, and my heart aches for them. The fear and panic was something that I had not felt before, even in my moments of greatest fear about my own health situation with ovarian cancer. This was incomparable. That any harm could come to my child, any serious harm, was unfathomable — it brings everything else into perspective.
It made me realize, once again, that the real sadness about my own illness isn’t about me, but about the effect it could have on Sydney. The harm that it could cause her is what really causes me stress. The strength of emotion you feel as a parent is unlike anything else. Thankfully, Sydney will be fine and this health scare will pass and likely leave her unscathed. However, it has impacted me deeply. It has left me with images of a child potentially altered in profound ways. I only hope that she is strong enough to deal with the emotional issues ahead, from whatever source, as she was strong enough to deal with the physical issues from the past week.