Hot sex doesn’t need to involve bondage and complicated positions. The art of adding romance back into your relationship is simpler than you think! Follow these tips and advice from Vera Zyla, sex educator and co-owner of The Art of Loving in Vancouver and watch your sex life get hot again.
1. Return to date night
Couples need to prioritize their relationship if they want to improve their sex life, so setting aside time for just the two of you is key, according to Ms. Zyla. Scheduling a date may not seem like the passionate spontaneity you envisioned, but the night need not be predictable just because you plan it. Try surprising your man by taking him to a new restaurant or participating in a new activity, like that wine tour outside of town. Just spending quality one-on-one time together will get you reconnected and thinking about love rather than laundry.
2. Make out like you’re in high school again
Once we’re past our teens it’s easy to forget the excitement that a passionate make out session can initiate. “Kissing and touching are the best sex toys in the world – they don’t need batteries and they go where you go!” Ms. Zyla says. There’s also biological benefits to kissing, including a reduction in cortisol levels, which will ease feelings of stress, and an increase in dopamine, a chemical that increases sexual desire.
3. Be a tease.
“Flirting and teasing builds up anticipation and a sense of urgency, which contributes to a bigger and better release [during sex],” explains Ms. Zyla. Everyone has her own style of flirting so do what makes you feel comfortable. Whether it’s a suggestive whisper in his ear at a dinner party or a racy email (just make sure to send it to his personal account!), the idea is to take the initiative and get you both thinking about sex well before you hit the bedroom.
4. Go to (sex) school
Many sex shops now offer workshops to cover the art of everything from how to give great blowjobs to the abc’s of mind-blowing orgasms. Expanding your knowledge about sex and your sexuality gives you more tools to use in the bedroom and the excitement of surprising your partner with that new tantric massage trick. Try: The Art of Loving in Vancouver, Come As You Are in Toronto, and Joy Toyz Boutique in Montreal.
5. And participate in show and tell
Play show and tell with your partner by showing him what turns you on and describing it in words, suggests Ms. Zyla. Then watch while he shows you what gets him hot. While you may feel awkward about sharing such personal thoughts, the high level of intimacy that this simple exchange produces really turns up the heat, leading to better sex and a feeling of connection.
6. Make a love potion
Instead of cooking your man your usual specialty, try making a feast of aphrodisiac foods. Lemon drenched oysters are a good appetizer choice because they are rich in zinc, which helps produce testosterone, a desire-producing hormone for both sexes. For a main course, try a pasta dish with a wine and garlic sauce, and for dessert you have many options – chocolate, strawberries, ice cream, and whipped cream are all alleged to get you revved up.
7. Invest in accessories
No, not shoes and bags! Add a bit of variety and creativity to your sex style by grabbing your sweetie and taking a trip to a sex store. Ms. Zyla recommends sex shop newbies pick up a silicone-based lubricant, which also works as a massage oil and is great for sensation play. For the more adventurous, try a vibrating ring, which is worn on the base of the penis and is a fun extra for both partners.
8. Develop your erotic voice
Don’t forget about partner praise! “Verbally acknowledging and complimenting your partner reiterates and strengthens your attraction to one another,” Ms. Zyla says. Because many of us have grown up with sex depicted as something that’s done quickly and silently in a darkened room, it can take a bit of prodding to step out of our comfort zone and use verbal compliments during sex. It’s okay to start slowly, like offering a compliment about your partner’s outfit (“That shirt is hot on you…”) and then progress into more erotic territory. Those who are really tongue-tied can try writing down their compliments and having their partner read them.
9. Be a generous lover
Keep an open mind to trying out new sex techniques, even if the idea doesn’t appeal to you initially. Ease into it by doing some research (sex stores often carry books and DVDs about different techniques) and talking with your partner about any uncertainties you have. “And be prepared to try something more than once before passing judgment,” recommends Ms. Zyla. “Often you just need to relax and take the time to get comfortable with something new – like trying a new food!” Then feel free to step up with a sexy suggestion of your own.
10. Hit the gym and eat those veggies
Perhaps not the sexiest idea, but nonetheless important and often ignored, according to Ms. Zyla. If we take care of ourselves by eating healthy and getting regular exercise we start to feel like we look hot, and this vibe translates into more self-confidence in the bedroom. Better yet, incorporate your partner into your routine by signing up for a couples yoga class or choose an outdoor activity, like going on a hike, that you can do together.