I recently discovered that my fiancé (we’ve been together for two years) was back on the singles websites, where we met, to chat (and do whatever else) with other local women. I caught him doing this about six months into our relationship. He swore he’d stop, so I forgave him and we moved on. When I found out he’d been doing it again, this time for at least six months, I kicked him out of the house where we lived with my seven-year-old and told him to get help. We have been apart for two weeks, and he is adamant that he is getting the help he needs so we can get back together. I’m not sure, though. Maybe he will change and never do it again, but I will always be wondering in the back of my mind. We’re both getting counselling. What do you suggest?
Dave, a happily married man, says:
I doubt he’ll change. He’s been cruising online for half of your relationship, perhaps longer, and broke his promise once already. Even with counselling, he clearly has a problem, possibly with commitment, and you have a child to think about. You were right to give him a second chance, but now we’re at strike two, and this ain’t baseball. He’s outta there.
Bruce, a pal to countless gals, says:
I can’t fathom why you’d want to sign up for a lifelong commitment to someone who has proven repeatedly that he can’t be trusted. He doesn’t sound like decent boyfriend material, let alone husband material, and he’d be a lousy role model for your son. So, repeat after me: fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Patrick, brother of two sisters, says:
If he’s been ogling (and possibly positioning himself for) a new lady for as long as you have been engaged, I suggest staying the course, keeping him out of your home and moving on with your life. He seems like a selfish turd, pardon my Swedish, and a poor role model for your child. And you seem to know instinctively that this isn’t going to work out. You’re already halfway through the hardest part, which is the initial split, so good on you for making it this far! It’s hard, but you can do it without him, as you did it before, and both you and your child will be happier in the long run.
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