Take passion to the office It’s unlikely you’ll be fending off sexy kidnappers any time soon, other than in a saucy daydream. But while you’re fantasizing, why not consider applying Ginny’s spirit to your career? “No one’s going to knock on your door and say, ‘Here’s your dream job,'” says Barbara Quinn, Chatelaine’s Ask an expert career columnist and author of Snap, Crackle or Stop: Change Careers and Create Your Own Destiny (Perseus Books). “The foundation of a good romance novel is the happily-ever-after ending, and when we change jobs, we need that same passion.”
Make it happen Invest time to dream about the future you want. Imagine your ideal career: what does it look like? Are you alone or in a team? What did you really want to do when you were younger but were afraid to try? These kinds of questions will help you explore new directions, says Quinn.
Learn more about your man Could he be more than you give him credit for – like not being an ex-con, for starters? “We get lazy because we see our partners every day,” says Monica Mendez Leahy, author of 1,001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married (McGraw-Hill). “If you started to ask questions, you’d find out things you never knew.”
Make it happen Next time you’re on a date, ask whether he imagines pursuing another type of work, or what his favourite time of day is. “But ask to hear an answer, not to judge him or tell him how he should think,” says Leahy. Too schmaltzy for you? Shake things up by going to a place you’ve never been or having a picnic in the living room.
Give your nightlife a boost If you’re like me, the only wild demands you’ve experienced lately have come from your boss or bank. So, why not read a steamy novel and get reacquainted with your sensual side? Chanelle Gallant, Chatelaine’s Ask an expert sex columnist and a psychotherapist based in Toronto, says, “A lot of us discovered sex through scenes in trashy Jackie Collins novels.” (Guilty as charged!) Such titillating novels are fine, she says. In fact, they may rev up your sex life.
Make it happen “Relaxation and awareness of our bodies are keys to freeing ourselves sexually,” says Gallant. Try this: slowly tense each body part for 10 seconds, then relax, starting with your toes, working up to your thighs, then upward to your face. Do this in bed a few minutes before your sweetie joins you!
Get noticed at work Originality is always an asset, especially when the guy who appreciates it has “an intensely masculine swagger that reminded [Alys] of a stallion.” But you might be surprised how it can help at work, too. (No, you don’t have to start inspecting sheep – just stop thinking like one.) “Innovative companies need unconventional thinkers,” says Quinn. “But women find it harder to assert themselves – we get more emotional.”
Make it happen Can’t get your one-of-a-kind proposals heard? Quinn suggests sending an e-mail to your boss or asking for a one-on-one meeting. No need to be strident, she says. Just say, “I have a different idea.”
Open up to him OK, so Ginny and Steve’s situation is a little extreme. Still, holding your feelings back can take a toll on your relationships. It builds romantic suspense but also stress, says Leahy. “Most people let great opportunities to be open go by.”
Make it happen Longtime couples may hold back from complimenting each other for fear of sarcastic comebacks, says Leahy. Stop the cycle by rewarding compliments with a simple thank you and praising and touching your partner more often, too. “Never underestimate the power of touch,” says Leahy.
Give up control Make this fantasy a reality without losing your self-respect (or your favourite jeans). “Now and then, all of us enjoy not being in control sexually,” says Gallant. “One of the most common male fantasies is being ravished.” Why not take turns?
Make it happen If you’re shy, try sharing the gist of your fantasy with your partner without being too literal, says Gallant. You don’t have to say that you have a secretary fantasy, for instance – just wear some glasses and an unbuttoned white shirt. Suss out and fulfil his fantasies, too, perhaps by repeating things he says while making love.
Get mad! If someone lets you down, acknowledge your anger and move on, like Ginny. “That’s what men do well and women need to learn,” says Quinn. You may want to tame the hungry feline act a bit if you’re getting into regular cat fights, though (especially if mud is involved).
Make it happen Next time you’re afraid to express your concerns, consider Quinn’s mantra: “I want to be loved and respected, but if I have to choose, I’ll take respect.”
Ask for it Both men and women want to be taken care of, but because women often take on more of the household chores, they particularly crave recognition and appreciation, says Leahy. Why not ask for a foot rub and promise one in return?
Make it happen Strategize about what you really want and what you think your partner won’t mind doing, says Leahy. What strengths of his – cooking, negotiating lower payments, oral sex – could make your day a little easier? Then ask nicely and be specific – and grateful!
