Sex & Relationships

On sex and marriage

Does a husband’s waning sex drive mean the marriage is over? Our all-male panel discuss this and other sex and relationship dilemmas

Dear Wise Guys:
My husband of 12 years is no longer interested in sex (although we used to have a great sex life). I beg him to come to bed with me, but to no avail. I take care of myself, am fit, look way younger than my age and love sports. We get along very well domestically, have similar interests and rarely fight. We have two young kids, which can wear us out, but I still have a huge need for sex while he can last six to eight weeks (or longer) without. The last time we made love, I cried in his arms and told him I felt neglected by him. But nothing seems to hit home – not even that statement. I am starting to think that we are so mismatched in the bedroom, we shouldn’t be together. What should I do?

– Starving for sex

Bruce, a pal to countless gals, says:
Don’t blame yourself for your husband’s lackluster libido – in all likelihood, it has nothing to do with you. In fact, knowing that you’ve gone from great sex to no sex and that your man is reluctant to talk about it makes me think it may be something more serious. When it comes to getting frisky on the four poster, stress or exhaustion can impede a guy’s performance, emotionally and physically. So, let him know that sexual healing is a priority for your relationship and suggest he chat with his doctor about jump-starting his sex drive.

Dave, a happily married husband, says:
You have “similar” interests and “get along very well”? That’s how I describe my buddy, not my wife. How about love and emotional intimacy? We’re as embarrassed as you to chat about bedroom stuff, but it’s time. Do it when you’re calm and be non-confrontational, but make sure he understands that if things don’t change, your relationship is at risk.

Patrick, brother of two sisters, says:
Your booty-liciousness is not the problem. As guys age, their sexual habits can change. That doesn’t mean he can ignore your feelings or needs, though, so lay it on the line. The fact that you’ve thought about leaving him over this is important – you’ve got to tell him that. An attractive, easygoing woman who loves sports (and sex) is a rare treasure. He’d be a fool not to make you happy. Why not make a date for some lovin’ every week and stick to it whether you both want to or not. This will alleviate the awkwardness of having two months between romps, and will hopefully reignite your guy’s fire.