Sex & Relationships

O is for...

I'm in a great relationship and I have a strong sex drive. But although I can have an orgasm when I'm alone, I can't climax during intercourse with my partner. What can I do?

Like you, many women are unable to achieve orgasm with intercourse alone. The reason is simple: the positions for intercourse often don’t maximize clitoral stimulation, which is the key to achieving orgasm. Having sex in the missionary position, for example, is one of the least effective ways to get a woman to climax because the thrusting action does not provide the amount of constant clitoral contact, heat and moisture that most women need. These ideal conditions for orgasm occur more frequently during oral sex or manual stimulation. Still, with the right techniques, you can probably find a way to achieve satisfaction during intercourse.

The best positions

Many sexual activities create pleasurable nerve sensations, but if you want to have an orgasm during penetrative intercourse, try these positions:

Woman on top Before intercourse, ask your partner to stimulate you orally or manually. Once you’re feeling highly aroused, move on to intercourse with you on top controlling the pace and the motion. In this position, you will easily be able to maintain close clitoral contact with him and rock back and forth to achieve the sensations that turn you on.

The spoon position While lying on your side, your partner enters you from behind. Drape your upper leg over his upper leg and—with either your hand or his—stimulate your clitoris. Use a water-based lubricant on your hands because the natural lubrication on your delicate genital tissue will evaporate once it’s exposed to the air. Extra lubrication allows for smooth motion.

Doggy style Many women favour this position, with the woman kneeling and the man entering from behind, because it results in strong firm stroking of the inside of the vaginal wall, where the G-spot is. You or your partner can also stimulate your clitoris manually in this position.

Great vibrations

Incorporating a vibrator into your lovemaking can enhance sensation and, because of the intense stimulation it provides, may enable you to climax more quickly. Keep in mind that less is more when you’re first using a vibrator, so don’t immediately place it directly on the clitoral area. It may numb you. Instead, start at the edges of your labia and work inward with short brush strokes. The following techniques may work for you:

Small hand-held vibrator Sit in your partner’s lap, with both of you upright and your chests facing each other. Place pillows under your legs and buttocks and, while having intercourse, use the vibrator to stimulate your clitoris.

Large wand-style vibrator Sit in your partner’s lap and make love with both of you leaning back on your elbows. Have your partner stimulate your clitoris with the vibrator. Some couples enjoy this position blindfolded. If you try this position, you’ll need to guide your partner and tell him what kind of stimulation is best.

Small bullet-style vibrator This style of vibrator is held in place with a soft stretchy ring that fits around the base of your partner’s penis. Once he penetrates you, the bullet vibrator is in the ideal place for clitoral stimulation. Powered with a separate hand-held remote control, either you or your partner can adjust the vibration intensity to suit your preference as you go along. Men are often quite keen on this job—after all, we all know how much guys love being in charge of the remote control!

Certified sex educator Lou Paget is author of 365 Days of Sensational Sex (Doubleday Canada).