Sex & Relationships

My boyfriend won't let me see him naked

Advice columnist Claudia Dey answers your sex and relationship questions.



Dear Claudia

My boyfriend and I have a great sexlife, but he refuses to let me see him naked — he even dresses immediately after sex. We went camping last summer and he swam in a bathing suit and T-shirt, so I did the same. How can I tell himt hat all of this is weird for me?

Dear Overdressed,

It sounds like your boyfriend is suffering from the great scourge that has made us all blush at one time or another: shyness. Shyness is ignited any time we feel exposed, that it is not our slip but our soul that is showing. In your romance, this shyness is making for conservative rule — and it’s threatening to come between you.

Talk to him. Tell him you love his body. Let him know you understand that a birthday suit can be a tricky outfit to pull off with panache, but that even if he is scaling clock towers with Quasimodo, even if he has a tail, there is no reason for him to feel abashed. You love him regardless.

The moment after lovemaking is one of the more magical moments available to us as human beings. Don’t deprive yourself of it! It’s important that he realizes you are pining for a deeper intimacy, so the next time you find him reaching for his robe in the dark, comfort him with something much more powerful — the truth about the depth of your feelings for him.

Submit your questions to Dear Claudia.

Claudia Dey is a novelist, columnist and Governor General’s Award–nominated playwright. She is the author of How to Be a Bush Pilot: A Field Guide to Getting Luckier and has written about sex and relationships for the Globe and Mail and Toro.