How to find love, how to keep it — it’s kind of a cultural preoccupation. Magazines, websites and self-help books — even your mom and your best friend — weigh in regularly on the topic. The interest is understandable, even natural. Who wouldn’t want to know how to attract Mr. Right or how to stave off Mr. Wrong?
And yet, for all the chatter, we’ve yet to establish the formula for lasting love and a lifetime of happiness. Perhaps that’s why we continue to seek the advice of self-proclaimed experts.
The advice can sometimes be dishearteningly shallow, however. In an interview with The Cut, New York City matchmaker Janis Spindel espoused the view that, “It’s the four Bs: beauty, brains, body, and balance,” that men want. “They are visual, they are superficial, and they are shallow. And they do fall in love through their eyes.”
Consequently, the way to snag one of these soft-headed lookyloos is by looking good. For Spindel that seems to mean going to the gym, blow drying your hair, wearing heels and abandoning that convenient ponytail. (Far too many women look like they’re just coming from or going to the gym believes an exasperated Spindel, which given her advice to stay fit seems a little fickle.)
But if it were really that simple — if we just had to look good to attract a mate — then I think there would be fewer divorces in Hollywood, where maintaining a flawless appearance is part of the job description if not a clause in the pre-nup. And there would probably be more divorces and breakups among those of us who don’t wear heels and whose blow dryers get about as much use as their juicers, which is to say none at all.
Neither an expert on love or appearance — though I find it easier to love my husband then I do to blow dry my hair for him — I do believe that unconditional love is possible for those of us who still can’t manage to lose the baby weight or tame a frizzy mane.
What do you think is the key to a lasting relationship? Tell us in the comment section below.