Sex & Relationships

Sex after 10 dates: is this the new norm?

Dating success has less to do with how long you wait before being intimate with a new partner — and more about the quality of the partner themself.

Couple in bed, sex, happy

Photo, Masterfile.

Should you have sex on the first date? The question is as old as dating itself, and no one appears to have ever completely resolved the issue.

In a recent article for xoJane, writer Carla Ciccone mentions a rule of thumb she received from a Russian hairdresser. According to the hairdresser, who happened to be male, you don’t have sex with a man until you’ve gone on at least 10 dates and/or he’s spent $1,000 on you.

Ciccone admits she’s completely unable to abide by the hairdresser’s ideology. She finds the math part of the equation — why $1000 and not more, if you’re really valuing yourself high? — a tad discomfiting, likening it to a form of prostitution.

Moreover, she thinks 10 dates is too long to wait.

“I wouldn’t have more than two or three dates with a guy I wasn’t super into, and when I do really like someone, I’m probably not going to wait until date 10 because I’m currently in my sexual prime and I quite enjoy the act,” she writes.

One of the reasons why women are so conflicted about the question of sex before commitment may have something to do with their real experiences. The Cut recently offered up a few anecdotes from women who took the first date plunge.

Results were mixed.

Some women declared that they were now married or in a committed relationship with the person they couldn’t wait to be intimate with, while others revealed that they’d (unfortunately) hooked up with jerks that didn’t text, call or man up the morning after.

So, what’s the conclusion to be drawn? Perhaps the issue isn’t so much about sex as it is about luck. Some women find themselves passionately embraced by good guys that understand the value of what they’ve been given, while others go to bed with Prince Charming and wake up with a toad.


Get more:

Why it’s OK to sleep with him on the first date

Why immediate attraction isn’t an indicator of lasting love

Is low self-esteem to blame for our abysmal dating standards