He says, she says on questions to ask before marriage

According to this article from The New York Times , many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before tying the knot. Married couple David and Lisa can think of a few more urgent topics that need to be discussed.

Lisa: I don't think we actually sat down and talked about any of these questions ("Have we discussed whether or not to have children? Are we in agreement on who will manage the chores? What does my family do that annoys you?"); I think it's better to just deal with them as they come up.

David: In some ways, this list reads like a recipe for disaster. (I don't ever plan on telling you what your family does that annoys me.)

Lisa: If I had asked, "Will there be a television in the bedroom," and discovered that you would love to install a 52-inch HD plasma TV attached to some type of crane that comes out and up from under the foot of the bed at the press of a button, we may have had a problem.

David: I don't view the TV issue as a deal breaker here. And besides, how does the television question come before "Do we truly listen to each other" on this list? I suppose that if the answer to the TV question was yes, then I might not even hear you over the din of American Gladiators.

Lisa: Oh yes. American Gladiators. I'm beginning to wonder how we've survived the past two years. I'm sure those relationship experts would also wonder.

David: I don't know how to even ask someone some of these questions. "Are you affectionate to the degree that I expect?" Perhaps it would help to be more specific: Did I ever mention that I expect you to rub my tummy while humming "Ave Maria" until I doze off every evening?

Lisa: Maybe there are few things I would have liked to know – not that I would have changed my mind, just that having a bit of insider knowledge would help me to decide how to react in certain situations. For example:
• Will you have trouble finding the ketchup in the fridge if I don't put it on the "correct" shelf?
• Is it necessary to dive off the couch or scream while watching baseball games on TV?
• Whose job is it to walk the dog before bed, and will it still be that person's job even after he quits smoking?
• How long should it take to pay a parking ticket?
• If I go shopping on my lunch break and show you what I bought when I get home, will you A) tell me how nice it looks, or B) ask me how much it cost?

David: The answers to your questions are: yes, yes, negotiable, I'm just waiting for you to pay it and B.
Here are my five questions:
• Who's responsible for knowing where my socks are kept?
• Are you planning on "letting yourself go" at any point during this marriage?
• How much enthusiasm am I allowed to show if we happen across a bikini contest?
• If you bought something special at the grocery store and I ate it while you were at work, would running out to the store and replacing the item make us even again?
• Do you love me for my brain or my body? (Answer honestly, this is important.)

Lisa: I am pleading the fifth. I think the secret to keeping our marriage exciting is maintaining some mystery. You'll just have to see how much enthusiasm I let you show next time you "happen across" a bikini contest.

Dave: This marriage is doomed.