Wish you were more self-assured in the sack? Check out these tips from relationship and sex therapist Rebecca Rosenblatt and author of The Sexually Confident Wife, Shannon Ethridge.
1. Adjust your attitude
Sexual confidence is not tied to weight. It’s about the attitude you have, says Rosenblatt. “Stop worrying what he’s thinking about your bod – he’s just happy he’s with you and is more preoccupied with his performance.” She suggests getting in touch with your body through exercise like belly dancing or Pilates.
2. Dress the part
Wear lingerie or an outfit that makes you feel sexy. “Find something that you are comfortable in!” Ethridge says. Then, throw red scarves around lamps for “a soft focus that’ll make you look hot,” Rosenblatt says.
3. Make eye contact
Eye contact communicates you are fully focused and ready for a good time. It’s a quick way to appear sexy and secure, and Ethridge says it’ll make him feel special.
4. Make the time
Ethridge suggests establishing a sex night. Send kids to a sitter once a week and spend a few intimate hours on lockdown. Rosenblatt approves, adding that planning sex won’t take away from the excitement. Tired? That’s no excuse, Ethridge says, adding “sex is one of the best ways to relax and have a better night’s sleep.”
5. Lock the door
“We are so afraid that our children are going to know what we’re doing,” says Ethridge. Ensure that your children grow up understanding that it’s normal for their parents to lock the bedroom door occasionally.
6. Switch it up
Experiment with new positions. “So often women get stuck in the rut of being flat on their back,” Ethridge says. Visually stimulate your partner. “Leave fuzzy robes in the closet! Be willing to get on top! Throw off the covers!”
7. Be prepared
Ethridge insists you should make daily hygiene a priority instead of only going to the trouble when sex is in the cards. The better prepared you are, the more likely you will be to accept advances, or even confidently initiate sex yourself.
8. Let it flow
The more often women have sex, the more they crave it. This is likely because of oxytocin, a calming hormone that is released by physical touching. “The more you produce, the more you want closeness,” Ethridge explains. “If you don’t feel like having sex, you and your partner can overcome that by touching each other anyway to getting the oxytocin flowing.”
9. Be attentive
Rosenblatt’s secret to better sex is “Pay attention to what your partner is digging.” Great sex is different for different people. For the best performance, figure out what your partner wants and don’t be shy to communicate your between-the-sheets needs.
10. Try a toy
If a woman rarely orgasms and sex is all about her partner’s pleasure, she can lose the motivation to keep doing it. Instead, take responsibility for your pleasure. “If you need a vibrator in order to achieve an orgasm, then get one,” Ethridge advises.