Thug Kitchen's rosemary caramel corn

Instructions

• Warm up your oven to 250°F. Line a rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper.

• Pour the popcorn in one big bowl with tall sides or two medium bowls so that you don’t spill it later while you’re trying to mix.

• In a small saucepan, melt the coconut oil over medium heat. When it’s totally clear, add the rosemary and stir around for about 30 seconds. Add the brown sugar, maple syrup, and salt and simmer that s- -t for 2 1/2 to 3 minutes, stirring constantly so nothing burns. You want the sugar crystals to dissolve and a nice constant roll of bubbles through the whole sauce.

• Stir in the baking soda and remove from the heat. It will kinda bubble up and turn less see-thru. Don’t worry. Mix it up well and pour it over the popcorn. Stir and stir until all that s- -t is lightly coated in that kick-ass caramel. Don’t taste it yet because you will burn the s- -t out of your tongue.

• Pour the popcorn on the lined baking sheet in an even layer. Turn off the heat for the oven and then throw the baking sheet in. Leave it in there for 15 minutes to harden up and then serve. Store it in an airtight container or bag, but don’t plan on leftovers if you’ve got a full house.

• Popping Your Own Popcorn: What the f- -k happened that made us all think we can’t pop popcorn? Can you brush your teeth? Then you can make this s- -t all on your own without some steam-filled bag waiting to burn the s- -t out of your face.

• In a large pot with a lid, heat the oil over medium heat. Add a couple kernels of the corn, cover, and shake it around every now and then. Once one of them pops that means your pan is ready. This might take up to a minute and a half.

• When the oil is ready, add the rest of the kernels and cover that f- -ker up. (If you have a glass lid, you can use it here to supervise the hell out of your corn.) If they don’t start popping within the first 30 seconds, turn your heat up just a bit. Soon it should start to sound like f- -king firecrackers are going off in your kitchen as all the kernels start exploding. Shake the pan around every couple of seconds to keep those bitches from burning. It’s like stirring without releasing all the heat. You’ll smell it if that s- -t is starting to burn, so don’t overthink this. Once you hear more than a couple seconds between pops, turn off the heat. See, that took no f- -king time at all.