Here's the advice a sex worker gives new moms

“Who here hasn’t had sex?” A room full of 20 new moms erupts into giggles and groans. Every Wednesday, they gather at a west-end Toronto community health centre to discuss things like nutrition and child safety. But this week the topic is sex, with a focus on “self-care” — a euphemism for masturbation. Just like home, the meeting room is littered with toys and baby clothes, which kind of says it all. Keeping things interesting in the bedroom post-birth can be a challenge.

A few of the moms are Canadian-born, but most, like Pujitha Veeravali, are new immigrants. She is mom to a six-month-old boy. Veeravali came to Canada 10 months ago from India, where her marriage was arranged. To learn about sex, she and her husband went online. They have resumed a post-partum sexual life but Veeravali suffered a third-degree vaginal tear during birth, which means sex is different. While tearing is common in first-time moms, third-degree tears are rare. “[Sex] not so smooth, maybe because of the stitches,” she says.

The group’s coordinator, Gayle Bowen, routinely asks the moms what they’re interested in discussing, and sex and relationships comes up often. “Some mothers, one year after giving birth, have regained no sexual feelings yet. It can take a while for hormones to settle down.”

She’s referring to hormones like estrogen, which can increase sexual desire. Levels can dip when breastfeeding and adding sleep deprivation to the mix means a post-partum sex life requires a concerted effort at a time when time and energy aren’t exactly abundant.

Related: The case for good-enough sex

Today the vibe is easy because the speaker is no stranger to the group. Petite, attractive and abundantly tattooed, Maria Espinosa is a trained hair stylist who’s been giving free haircuts here for years. But for over a decade now, she has also been a sex worker. Bowen decided to ask Espinosa to address the group when she discovered she was doing sex seminars. Espinosa usually leads workshops on topics like oral sex and the art of flirting but jumped at the chance to address new moms. “[New] all about the baby. On top of that, it’s keeping the household together,” says Esponisa. Her goal is tell women not to forget about their own needs during this chaotic time.

While they listen, some women snack, others breastfeed. Toddlers play on the floor. These moms may appear distracted, but they’re definitely listening. A subject of intense interest is the G-Spot. Maria takes out a prop, a large satin and velvet vulva. She asks women to feel inside for the rough ridges of the G-Spot. “My boyfriend finally found it after four years of practicing,” one woman quips.

Espinosa distributes handouts pointing out erogenous zones, or what she calls "pleasure zones" on the body, places like the ribs or inside the elbow. Then she distributes a vibrator for each new mom. More laughter.

“My talk was a gentle reminder that self-care is very important. Hopefully they all use their vibrators at one point,” Espinosa says.

While she’s pleased with how the session went, the participants have mixed feelings. One woman worries her husband will find her annoying if she directs sex, but Pujitha Veeravalli is enthusiastic.

“We haven’t used any vibrators or lubricants,” she says. “We’re going to try it."

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