The rumour: A British company is making Harry and Meghan condoms
Where you heard it: The Toronto Sun
The report: For all those who wish they could incorporate their royal memorabilia into their love-making routine: A company called Crown Jewels (guffaw) is reportedly releasing limited-edition Harry and Meghan condoms in commemoration of the royal wedding. The four-pack comes with a certificate of authenticity and plays an “exclusive” mash-up of “God Save the Queen” and “The Star Spangled Banner” when you open the box.
The smell test: Not much to sniff out here since the Sun’s story links directly to the Crown Jewels website, where those interested in princely prophylactics can currently leave an email address. (The goods go on sale March 10.) Whether they will be around for long is a different matter, and not just because they’re limited edition. Back in 2011, Prince William relaxed the Royal Trade Marks Act, which usually prohibits the unauthorized use of royal images. He did that so the public could have a bit of fun creating royal wedding memorabilia, with the stipulation that all goods had to be in good taste. It makes sense that the rules would be relaxed once again in honour of Harry and Meghan’s big day. But if good taste is the standard, we’re pretty sure royal rubbers don’t qualify.
The rumour: The Queen may have given Meghan sexy underthings for her bachelorette
Did Meghan Markle Anger The Royals By Speaking About #MeToo And #TimesUp?Where you heard it: In Touch
The report: The sultry skivvies story is just part (OK, yes, the best part) of an In Touch cover story, detailing plans for Markle’s “lavish, all-night bash” planned by future sis-in-law Kate Middleton. Per an unknown “insider,” no expense would be spared in putting together “the bachelorette party of the century,” including an alleged $60,000 in bubbly and a Lady Gaga karaoke fest. Oh right — and the part about the special gift from Her Majesty: “[T]hose close to Meghan are already betting that the queen will surprise [her] with some sexy underthings,” says our unnamed informant.
The smell test: The notion of HRH doling out wedding night wardrobe items to her future granddaughter-in-law is so patently preposterous, we won’t even dignify it with a whiff. Besides, this story doesn’t say the Queen did gift lingerie, only that MM’s pals are already betting she will. (Either these friends are fake, or woefully unaware of royal etiquette.) As for all of the other alleged extravagances around Markle’s “hen do” — they contradict other more reliable reports that the future royal had a “low key” celebration over the weekend, possibly at the Soho House spa in the Cotswolds. They also contradict the notion that Kate Middleton is several months pregnant and the future Queen of England and thus probably not in the blowout-hosting business.
The rumour: Royal wedding security will cost $33 million, plus
Where you heard it: E! News
The report: Security for the royal wedding has recently become a hot topic after last month’s serious safety breach. According the E!’s report, the bride and groom still want a two-mile procession on the streets of Windsor, and apparently that is going to cost them upwards of $33 million, which was the entire cost of security when Wills and Kate wed in 2011.
The smell test: On the one hand it seems crazy that security costs for the sixth in line would equal or outweigh those the future King and Queen. But in light of the aforementioned terror scare, the potential for racially motivated attacks and the fact that even well-wishers are going bat-crap crazy over this particular royal couple, it smells pretty legit.
The rumour: Brits prefer Meghan Markle over Kate Middleton
Where you heard it: The Daily Star
The report: This story is based on the findings of a recent survey by a website called Voucher Codes (a travel site that appears to produce polls on the royal family as a promotional technique). Per the DS’s report: “The study quizzed 2,311 Brits aged 18 and over about their thoughts on the royals and who they felt the most connected to.” And the vast majority picked Markle, based on her status as a relatable former career woman and current feminist who seems down to earth.
The smell test: We thinks on of the corgis may have had an accident on the royal rug. This rumour is not so much false as a pile of garbage. The results of the survey line up with the visible public frisson around all things Markle. But comparing Meghan and Kate doesn’t make sense for a number of reasons. For one, the former has a “flavour of the month” factor, where as Middleton is old hat. And for two, the latter will one day be Queen and must conduct herself accordingly. As we Crown fans are well aware, job of the monarch is not to be loved, but respected. And certainly not to pay attention to stupid polls.