14 brilliant things to do with your tampon tax windfall

They say nothing is certain in this world except death and taxes. Well, most women of childbearing age would add something else to that list: periods. But praise be, Canada’s government cut women some slack on one of those inevitables by announcing it will abolish general sales tax on feminine hygiene products as of July 1. The Happiest Canada Day Ever will leave Canadian women $36 million richer — yes, that’s how much cash the roughly 6.8 million women in this country spend on tampons, pads, panty-liners and menstrual cups every year in taxes alone. To celebrate that extra little padding in our wallets, we came up with 14 things Canadian women can buy with the roughly $5.30 each of us will get to keep in the year ahead.

1. A 200 mg bottle of ibuprofen tablets… because the tax pain may be gone, but the government couldn’t do anything about those period cramps. Sorry.

2. Almost a month of Netflix… because your womanly burden fully entitles you to some quality couch time with The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

3. One celebratory beer… because the activists who fought to change an injustice most of us unquestioningly accepted deserve a pretty big cheers.

4. A few of months worth of federal New Democratic Party membership… because the party had been pushing the government to remove this tax since 2004. You done good, Official Opposition, you done good.

5. Four months of federal Conservative party membership… because without their votes, this would still be a pipe dream. Respect.

6. Most of an A&W Mama Burger with Cheese combos… because let’s just be real, OK?

7. A 20-pack box of tax-free tampons to donate to a women’s shelter… because one Winnipeg food bank fielded 6,909 requests for menstrual products and only 125 of those requests were filled.

8. Two jars of maraschino cherries… because this, ladies, is one of the fine products the government long deemed more essential than your sanitary napkins. These cocktail garnishes were exempt from sales tax for the 20 years of GST’s existence. Really.

9. One pay-what-you-can hot yoga class in Vancouver ($5 minimum)… because we need to relax those muscles, stretch that sore body and celebrate this victory with a solid warrior pose.

10. One pair of Joe Fresh drawstring sweatpants off the sale rack… because what really gets you through the worst days of bloat? Adjustable waistbands.

11. Two Period Tracker Deluxe apps for iPhone… because why not get to know the flow of your own Aunt Flo. You can afford it.

12. Part of a delivery from The Period Store just in time for your monthly visitor… because while the tax removal confirms feminine products are not “luxury” items, that doesn’t mean you can’t bask in a personalized, door-delivered care package of period products, a monthly 5x7 art print, gourmet sweets, tea and medicine packs. Pool your savings with four of your friends.

13. One slice of Marie Antoinette cake from Toronto’s swish Nadège bakery… because, hell yeah, you deserve a fresh vanilla panna cotta cake decorated with macarons. Especially when you’re on your period.

14. One super cool, pineapple-adorned hand-held fan from H&M… because while what’s going on in your lady parts may not be making you feel so fly, you’re the picture of hotness to us.