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Wise Guys

How do you put the va-va-voom back into your sex life after having a baby? Our all-male panel sinks its teeth into this and other touchy sex and relationship dilemmas

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Dear Wise Guys:
My partner and I have been together for 11 years, and we now have a 20-month-old son. Our always good, sometimes awesome, sex life has fizzled. We talk about making time for sex, but it never happens. Sex has become less and less frequent. Our commitment is strong, we’re affectionate and our communication is good, so what gives? How do I start to change this?


Dave, a happily married man, says:
Children change everything; they completely dominate your time and energy. You need to focus strictly on each other, if only for a couple of hours (including foreplay and fore-foreplay). If you’re used to your husband being the aggressor, it’s time for you to take charge. Get glammed up, book a babysitter, check into a hotel room and remind him what he’s missing.

Bruce, a pal to countless gals, says:
If the lines of communication with your guy are as good as you say, you wouldn’t be wondering where your sex life went. So getting an honest conversation started is key. But since most guys would rather have sex than talk about it, you should avoid having a solemn sit-down and opt for a less threatening tactic. Try sending him a few suggestive emails, which may let him be more open than if you were talking in person. Depending on how raunchy the emails get, they might just spark some action, too.

Patrick, brother of two sisters, says:
It’s natural to make adjustments to your sex life after having a child. You just need a few “baby steps” to get your groove back. An easy way to get yourselves in flagrante delicto is to decide on a day or two per week, set a time and say this is when we “do it” – rain or shine. Once you get used to the rhythm of intimacy again, you’ll start to look forward to it, and the initial Tuesday and Sunday routine you chose will turn into Monday, Wednesday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday!