The most common questions a sex therapist hears

For me, the decision to become a sex therapist was an easy one. Sure, it took my parents a while to warm up to the idea – describing their daughter's profession to inquisitive members of their church community has never been easy – but they slowly came around.

I think the turning point was their realization that no matter where we were, everyone (regardless of age or gender) had a question for me. Given the opportunity to open up, people will share a surprising number of their thoughts, doubts, concerns and questions around sex and sexuality. I’ve been shocked by a few questions over the years, it's true – but the most shocking thing of all would be meeting someone without one.

So what are the most common questions that get thrown my way, and the biggest misconceptions about them?

What do women ask about? Two of the most frequent ones from women are about low libido and orgasms. Women want to know how they can boost their low libidos, and why they have trouble attaining an orgasm during intercourse. One problem is sometimes connected to the other, but this article isn’t long enough for me to explore all the ways that our emotions, beliefs, and thought patterns are connected to our orgasm potential. But the low occurrence of orgasms (for women) during intercourse can also have much simpler explanation.

The notion that women can climax in any position, and do so in under five minutes, is one that has been perpetuated in the media – especially in mainstream pornography. Because of this, many men and women believe that there is something inherently "wrong" with a woman if she can’t climax during sex. This belief is a mistaken one – the majority of women only reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation, not through penile-vaginal intercourse. Working to dispel this myth is a big job, but it’s one I enjoy. Seeing the look on a woman’s face when I tell her she’s completely normal is priceless.

What do men ask about? The most common questions I get from men are about maintaining and sustaining an erection, and the pros and cons of popping that little blue pill. I do my best to inform them of all the causes of erectile problems – there are many, which can range from diabetes to simply too much stress. I'll also share the often-unknown tidbit that many men experience some kind of erectile issue at least once throughout their lives.

Drugs such as Viagra can correct erection issues, but they aren't the only option. There are many ways a man can deal with this problem that don’t involve medication, and a few ways that their partners can help with the process as well.

How to ask your own question If you’d like more information on these questions, or if you have a question of your own you’d like answered, check out Intimacy Experiment on Facebook. There you can ask me any sex or relationship question you want (anonymously) and read detailed responses to Canada's top intimacy-related questions. So take a minute to explore the site – after all, we’re never too old to learn something new.

Do you have any sex questions that you would like answered? Share them here.

Dr. Teesha Morgan is a sex therapist based in Vancouver, BC.