On desire for intimacy
Dear Wise Guys:
My new boyfriend has been separated for a year from his wife of 17 years. He recently discovered she had an affair while they were married and ever since then he's not interested in making love. What should I do? I want to be supportive, but I crave intimacy and am finding this recent change very difficult.
Bruce, a pal to countless gals, says:
Despite their bluster, men are fragile creatures. Finding out about his ex's affair was likely a huge blow to your guy's self-confidence, which may explain why he doesn't feel as frisky as usual. You need to remind him that you find him desirable – and don't be afraid to lay it on thick. We're talking you, your fur coat, a pair of heels and nothing else. That should give him the encouragement he needs to snap out of his funk and start getting funky.
Dave, a happily married husband, says:
Your boyfriend has likely spent at least half of his life married to his not-yet-ex wife. It's only natural that he's going to carry some baggage from that relationship. If what you have with this guy is more than physical, cool your jets and be a supportive partner. If you just want sex, move on.
Patrick, brother of two sisters, says:
Finding out about the affair obviously left your boyfriend feeling vulnerable and betrayed. But he needs to know that what affects him, affects you. Continue to be gentle and patient and see if open conversation leads to open bedroom doors. If that doesn't get you anywhere, it's clear he's not over her. In which case, you should not just be walking, but running (heck, biking or driving works too) for the hills.
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