Let’s face it: Everything we do involves relationships. On a personal level, we have them with our spouses, children, friends and relatives. Professionally, those interactions extend to co-workers, bosses and clients. And, of course, you can’t forget the girl behind the counter at your local coffee shop. So what’s the secret
to happy relationships? It can be as easy as making
some tiny tweaks to your behaviour that will translate
into big returns.
Strategies for success
1. Don’t hint—spell it out
Let go of the illusion that people can read your mind
(they can’t). Instead it’s essential to be specific about
your needs and clear about your expectations. And while
it might seem counterintuitive, the longer you’ve known
someone, the more important it is to understand this.
The more detail you can provide, the more chance
he or she has of meeting those expectations.
2. Always say thanks (and good morning)
Praise is motivational. So be sure to regularly voice
what you appreciate. Give recent and detailed examples.
And when it comes to your spouse, remember that even
the simple act of saying “good morning” can contribute
to greater relationship satisfaction. Try this easy trick
with co-workers too!
3. Watch for mood or body-language changes
Tune in to non-verbal cuessuch as tenseness or lack of
eye contact. They are clear giveaways that someone is
uncomfortable or disappointed, and they may indicate
that a need has not been met. Give the person some time
to cool down, and ask how you can handle things in the
future to better meet his or her needs.
Two common pitfalls
1. Ignoring the
part you play
We’re all familiar with
the saying “It takes two
to tango,” but many
people forget this when
it comes to relationships.
As soon as you acknowledge
and embrace that
you are 100-percent
responsible for 50
percent of every
relationship in your life,
you’ll make an important
step toward having and
enjoying mutually
beneficial partnerships.
In other words, you can
never expect to change
another person’s
behaviour without
changing your own first.
2. Assuming others
think like you
Toss out that assumption
because it’s simply not
true! People are different,
and so are their needs.
Value systems highly
impact perception,
satisfaction and the
overall quality of all
relationships. If a wife
feels her needs are being
met, she will rate her
marriage highly. If
a client feels his needs
are being met, he’ll be
satisfied. Bottom line:
Successful relationships
happen when you
recognize what the
other person needs
and you can deliver it!
Karyn Gordon is a leading
relationship and parenting expert. Tune in to
CityLine (Wednesdays, 9
a.m. EST) or visit Drkaryn.com for more great advice.